on turning 24

i turned 24 yesterday... and year after year since i turned 16, i wait for that one blast of vision or understanding, that one glimpse of truth that would reveal something profound about myself, my life, my direction in life if there be any, but there was nothing. no life changing, split-second wave of wisdom to overwhelm me to a speechless state of reflection. yesterday, after eating cancer-prone, carcinogenic filled grilled meat with good friends and then consuming a pack of cigarettes and then having blended iced coffee at 3am, i went home, tired, sleepy, grumpy, and horny. on my balcony, barefoot, i smoked some more, drank more coffee straight from the sachet and, i'd like to say i reflected on my 24 years of existence, but it was more like staring blankly into space.

and then the howling of the dogs snapped me out of my blank reverie and i got to thinking:

1. i need to lose weight
2. i haven't had sex in 8 months
3. i should (but i doubt if i ever will) stop smoking
4. i miss someone so much
5. in one breath im in love and in the next im annoyed at him
6. i should be going to sleep shortly
7. i need to sweep my room and get my laundry from the laundry shop
8. i have to catch up on some good literature
9. look up for the lyrics of stop crying your heart out
10. i can't wait for august...
11. or maybe september...